Long time no type, eh?

I feel like my life is spiraling downward. I didnt send in the final parts of my college applications. I guess maybe it was to see if any of them would call asking what happened to me and such like every one else I know. No one called. I guess none of them wanted me any way. My mom keeps yelling at me that I'm going to become a failure. She's said this every year since I've been in public school. Maybe she's right. After all she does put all the money into Crista's lessons and the agency. Maybe Cooper was right also, maybe I do just spew all my artwork out like vomit and it has no meaning.

I havent been able to draw just because I'm too depressed. The other day I contemplated crashing my car into a barrier but then relised it'd cause more people pain just so I could set myself free, which would be selfish. I don't knwo what to do any more. I reallly want to succeed. I also want to figure out why I'm so depressed about every thing. I want ot talk ot my parents but every time I try they just get pissed at me and tell me that I'm being rediculous and I'm not trying hard enough. I want to try hard, I want to stop getting scared I want them to listen to me and give me some attention and for once see that I am trying and I really need help. But then again, maybe their right. Maybe I'm being a fucking pussy. Maybe I'll never get any where because I get nervous over every thing. God I just want ot die.