I'm so sick.

All the worrying and the depression has caught up with me and messed around w/ my tummy. I have rings under my eyes and I had my first real meal in 3 days. My brain is numb. I dont know how much more of this I can take. My insides feel like their burning and I have a anuseating sensation running through me.

Dan is bitching at me that he will have to stay in his house for the rest of his life. He cryed on the phone. I have only seen and heard two men break down and cry, louis and now, Dan. I got this horrible sinking sensation in my stomic and the sound. It was part love and part hate. He kept saying its me and that he'd never do something like that, I've heard that so many times from so many men. Who can I beleive now?

I want to rip Patty's head off and at the same time I want to strangle Dan and hide in his arms. I feel pity and love for him, but I feel spite and rage tward him at the same time. My entire body is torn in two. I just want to sleep.

I dont want to break this off with him. But I do. I want to get rid of the stress and the depression, but I hate to see him go. I want him to die, but I want to take comfort in his arms. I can't eat without feeling an emense sickness. What am I going to do?