All this pressure.

I have so much work to do and I dont even know if its worth the work.
Cooper Union hates me. Every time I gather up the strength and my ambition and go over there for a review, even if I get lost or delayed, I always get shut down miserably. I mean, I can deal with constructive criticisim, but when you tell me my work has no meaning and that I just "vomit" it out because it looks good shatters you. Those words have haunted me since they flew out of the reviewers mouth.

I practicaly broke down into a sobbing in Andrew's car because I got so nervous. I started getting nurotic at Gemma's and began getting depressed. I started smothering Dan pathetically. I couldn't even play a game of monopoly because I suck. Im so afraid of starting this thing. I don't want my heart and soul crushed again. I dont know what to do. Im such a pathetic little bitch. I wish I knew what was wrong with me.