Life is looking up a little.

I've been talking to my parents about college and stuff. I'm happy that they are supportive of my desicions. I told my dad how I want more of a selection and a wider range of studio's and how exensive it is to experiment up here. He says he'll help me pay for my loans when I eventually get out of college. He says also that if I can get myself into Pratt he'll try and see if I can room with one of his aunts. I guess maybe I'm a little nervous about every thing, I want to suceed, I hope I can figure out what I want to do. I've always been afraid of ending up a poor and miserable.

I have a feeling that I have a tendency to drag myself down. In high school I didn't really have that problem cause I had my teachers to help reassure me. People here are very quiet and reserved, unlike long island. I miss my outgoing and crazy professors. I guess I'm better in a more fast paced, loud envoroment. For some reason I kind of feed off that energy so to speak. The movement of people, the sounds of machinery, the flashing of lights...some people find it intimidating, I feel at home right in the middle of it all. Nights here depress me more then anything. It's so quiet. I relised I can't sleep with some form of noise. At home there was always the sound of cars and the train in the distance. Here there is nothing but the sound of the fan turning inside my mac. I had a hard time sleeping when my lap top broke. It's like living on the moon here in the winter. Shades of grey and white mixed with an eerie silence. I'm so glad I'm getting away.

Dan and me have been talking about apartments. He wants to get away from his mom and I'd like to give my parents freedom for a change. I started thinking about the housing sva and pratt offer. If I get a student apartment and Dan transfers to a school nearby we can switch partments durring the week and go home durring the weekend (if we want). So far he likes the idea. I'm going to try my best to help find him a college. I really want to be with him, I'm going to try every thing so that we can stay close. I don't ever want to be this far away from him ever again.